Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
From: edremy@chem1.usc.edu (Eric Remy)
X-Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
Subject: Re: TWO lame telcos and a psycholuser

Lame Telco meets Monty Python

In article <4i9vcn$7ui@netaxs.com>, hillary@netaxs.com (Hillary Gorman) wrote:

> Avi: hi, our T1 is dead
> Bell: can you give us the circuit number?
> Avi: well, the bill says it is #<whatever>, but the box on the wall is
> labelled #<othernumber>
> Bell: please describe for me why you think it is down.`
> Avi: because it is dead. it is down. it is not functioning

Bell: No, no, it's uh, it's resting

Avi: Look matey, I know a dead T1 when I see it, and I'm looking at one right now.

Bell: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable line, the T1, idn'it, ay? Beautiful bits!

Avi: The bits don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Bell: Nonononono, no, no. It's resting.

Avi: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up. <Yells into wall socket> ELLO, MISTER TELLY T1! I've got a lovely fresh news spool for you if you show.

Bell: <Sends voltage down line> See- it's working!

Avi: No it isn't- that was you.

Bell: I never!

Avi: Yes, you did!

Bell: I never did anything.

Avi: <Pulls wire out of socket and beats it against the side of the server.> ELLO T1!!!! TESTING TESTING TESTING! This is your 9 o'clock cron job download! <Watches bits physically falling on floor>

Now that's what I call a dead T1!

Bell: No, no, you stunned it.

Avi: STUNNED!?

Bell: Yeah- you stunned it just as it was starting to accept packets. T1s stun easily, major.

Avi: Um, now look mate. I've had enough of this. This T1 is definitely deceased, and when we hooked it up not more than a day ago, you assured me that its total inability to transmit was due to it being tired and shagged out after trying to pull across all of alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.really.really.nasty last night.

Bell: Well, it's , ah, it's just pining for the ARPANET.

Avi: PINING FOR THE ARPANET?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it drop every packet as soon as we plugged it into this Sparc?

Bell: The T1 prefers to drop packets from a Sparc. Remarkable line, isn't it. Lovely bits.

Avi: Look, I took the liberty of dissassembling the smartjack last night, and found that the only reason that it looked like it was working it because you'd wired the lights to a battery.

Bell: Well, of course. If we hadn't, it might have burned the whole smartjack out-VOOM VOOM!

Avi: VOOM? Mate, this line wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through it. It's bleeding demised!

Bell: No, no, it's pining.

Avi: It's not pining, it's passed on! This line is not working! It has ceased to transmit! Bereft of data, it lies in peace. If you hadn't wired the lights it would have been recycled. It carries 0MB/sec! It's no longer functional- it's shuffled off the backbone and gone to meet its maker. THIS IS AN EX-T1!

Bell: Well, we better fix it then. <Pause> 'Fraid we're all out of working T1s.

Avi. I see, I see. I get the picture

Bell: I've got an AOL disk and a 2400 baud modem.

Avi: Pray, does it work?

Bell: Nnnnot really...

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