An Annotated Thermometer
- Miami residents turn on the heat.
- Californians shiver uncontrollably; Wisconsinites go swimming
- Italian cars don't start.
- Water freezes.
- You can see your breath; you plan your vacation to Australia; Wisconsinites put
on T-shirts; politicians begin to worry about the homeless.
- Boston water freezes; Californians weep pitiably; Wisconsinites eat ice cream;
Canadians go swimming; cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.
- You can hear your breath; politicians begin to talk about the homeless; New York
City water freezes; Miami residents plan vacation farther South.
- You plan a vacation in Mexico; cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you.
- Too cold to snow; you need jumper cables to get the car going.
- You plan your vacation in Houston
- American cars don't start; Alaskans put on T-shirts; too cold to skate.
- You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo; Wisconsinites stick tongues
on metal objects; Miami residents cease to exist.
- Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you; politicians actually do
something about the homeless; Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof.
- Too cold to think; you need jumper cables to get the driver going; only ice
chunks hit the bottom of the outhouse.
- You plan a two-week hot bath; the Mightly Monongahela River freezes; Japanese
cars don't start.
- Californians disappear; Winconsinites button top button; Canadians put on
sweaters; your car helps plan your trip South.
- Congressional hot air freezes.
- Hell freezes over; polar bears move south.
From the Wisconsin State Journal Thursday Dec 21 1995 by Esther Glas
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