An Annotated Thermometer

50
Miami residents turn on the heat.
40
Californians shiver uncontrollably; Wisconsinites go swimming
35
Italian cars don't start.
32
Water freezes.
30
You can see your breath; you plan your vacation to Australia; Wisconsinites put on T-shirts; politicians begin to worry about the homeless.
25
Boston water freezes; Californians weep pitiably; Wisconsinites eat ice cream; Canadians go swimming; cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.
20
You can hear your breath; politicians begin to talk about the homeless; New York City water freezes; Miami residents plan vacation farther South.
15
You plan a vacation in Mexico; cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you.
10
Too cold to snow; you need jumper cables to get the car going.
5
You plan your vacation in Houston
0
American cars don't start; Alaskans put on T-shirts; too cold to skate.
-5
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo; Wisconsinites stick tongues on metal objects; Miami residents cease to exist.
-10
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you; politicians actually do something about the homeless; Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof.
-15
Too cold to think; you need jumper cables to get the driver going; only ice chunks hit the bottom of the outhouse.
-20
You plan a two-week hot bath; the Mightly Monongahela River freezes; Japanese cars don't start.
-25
Californians disappear; Winconsinites button top button; Canadians put on sweaters; your car helps plan your trip South.
-30
Congressional hot air freezes.
-50
Hell freezes over; polar bears move south.
From the Wisconsin State Journal Thursday Dec 21 1995 by Esther Glas
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