From: Leslie Ruskin
Subject: If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation
[reposted to alt.humor.best-of-usenet]
If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation...
- Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?
- Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?
- LaForge, please give us factor nine.
- But, sir, the engines are offline!
- Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!
- But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!
- But surely we must not be late!
- I'm sensing anger and great ire.
- Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
- The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
- Not me.
- Not me.
- Computer, how long til we die?
- Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
- May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...
- Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
- Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
- We still must save the Indran planet --
- Which (by the way) is made of granite...
- Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
- There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.
- We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
- We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why?
- Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
- Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
- Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!
- Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
- They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
- The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun --
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.
- Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
- I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.
- My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!
- Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!
- LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
- Yes, sir, we can.
- Then make it so!
[Back to Andy's Random Humor]