This is a spamfic idea that I've had for a while, but it seemed like now was a good time to write it. -------------- "It's _what_?" yelled Akane. "It's the Mirror of Misfortune", explained the old proprietor. "If you reflect light from it onto another person, you can transfer all your misfortunes over to that person. But there's a story associated with it. You never quite get what you hope for." "It twists things? Like a really perverted genie?" "Not really." "Then I'll take it." Akane plunked down a handful of yen and walked out with the trinket. * * * * * Now, who to use it on. Hmm, Shampoo? No, thought Akane. The last time she deliberately went up against Shampoo, it ended in disaster. She had even grown _whiskers_. Kodachi hadn't caused much trouble lately, and Akane couldn't bring herself to get jealous of Ranma and Miss Hinako _again_. Of course, she thought. The answer was sitting just a few seats away from her in the classroom. "Hey, Ukyou, look here", said Akane, reflecting the mirror onto her when she looked. The mirror shattered, and Ukyou looked at it, puzzled, then returned to taking notes. * * * * * "The Dojo Yaburi!?" Soun cried as he read the threat notice. "We're going to have a big repair bill again! We can't afford this!" Indeed they couldn't. Akane wondered if that counted as a misfortune, and if the mirror was going to have any effect. Maybe Ukyou could fight those constant challenges instead of her; after all, she _was_ a martial artist. She left the house for school, waiting a moment for Ranma to swallow his breakfast and catch up with her. A student who seemed at first to be a boy ran up from the distance, but Akane soon recognized the figure as Ukyou, in her boys' uniform. "Ran-chan, tell everyone I won't be at school today. Something came up." "What came up, Ucchan?" asked Ranma. "The Dojo Yaburi. He's going around beating up the martial artists in the city again. The Ucchan isn't a dojo but it does have a sign and I am a martial artist and I practice my art there and he did mention it...." "Let me at him", replied Ranma. "No, Ran-chan, you'll be late. Hours late if you come to help me." "It's nuthin'. I'm not gonna let some dumb Dojo Yaburi destroy your place." Akane threw a convenient bucket of water at Ranma and said "Fine, Ranma. Go help your cute fiancee. I'm going to class." * * * * * Ranma and Ukyou ran into the classroom. "It's 11:30 AM", said Miss Hinako. "You're late. I've never heard of a student being that late before. Out in the hall." She tossed pre-prepared buckets of water at them, which the two martial artists nimbly caught without spilling anything. "So how'd it go?", whispered Akane to Ranma. "We musta practiced more martial arts than he did. We beat him." "Ran-chan and I make a great team when we work together!" whispered Ukyou. "How dare you try to..." said Akane, and suddenly stopped. She probably already spoke enough that Miss Hinako would send her out into the hall. Akane quickly faced forwards and hoped that Miss Hinako hadn't noticed her. Somehow, this perennial misfortune didn't happen to her today. * * * * * Akane heard some sounds from the hall. She suddenly recalled what happened a long time ago when it was her and Ranma in the hall, on their first day at school. It was one of the first chances she and Ranma had ever had to really talk, not that that baka would say much. And when the word "fiancee" had been spoken after Kunou arrived, everyone had heard. "... you _are_ my fiancee..." That was Ranma's voice! Did everyone hear it? But this time, no crowd of students had stuck their heads in the hallway. "... only ever really talked like this before with Akane... things always _happen_ so it's like that, Ucchan..." "... I'm not going to threaten you with that bucket of water, Ran-chan..." "... still want to be your friend, Ucchan. I missed that..." By that time, Akane's curiosity and anger got the best of her and she stormed out to confront her fiancee and that... person. Ten years or not, she was an interloper. How dare she interfere after Akane and Ranma had been through so much together? Fortunately, the bell rang at that time, and Akane escaped Miss Hinako's wrath completely as everyone, including Ranma and Akane, got out their bentos and had lunch. * * * * * When class was finally dismissed, Akane spotted the principal by the door. He was hidden in the shadows with a clipper in his hands, but his loud shirt was a glowing beacon to all who passed. What was he up to? His hair-cutting spree had been stopped by Ranma, but then he had announced new hairstyles that were as bad as the old ones. Luckily he had never followed up on that... until, most likely, now. Akane ducked. The principal completely ignored her. Of course. Her hair was rather short. It didn't fit the style, but still, he must have decided to go after an easier victim first. "" said the principal. " You're violating the school hair code, the new hair code you can't get away with any more!" Hmph, thought Akane. The principal is nuts. She sped away from the building, glancing back at the principal's victim. Ukyou. As the principal brought his shears down on Ukyou's long ponytail, Akane wondered why the principal had suddenly noticed Ukyou's hair. The last time, the principal had threatened and kidnapped Akane while completely failing to notice Ukyou's much longer hair... Oh. It must be that Misfortune Mirror! For once, Akane _wasn't_ going to be the victim. But upon this realization, something gnawed at the back of Akane's mind. Because she had to admit to herself that the incident brought her and Ranma closer together.... Ranma, of course, kicked the principal's shears away. But this stopped him for about the five seconds necessary to pull out another, which Ukyou parried with a miniature spatula. Akane sighed and went home without Ranma. * * * * * Ranma yawned and walked to the table for breakfast. Nodoka smiled at him. "Good morning, Ranma." "Good morning...." "Oh, don't be surprised. I'm in the area again and I'll be visiting for a few weeks. Right, husband?" she said to the panda beside her, who growled and held up a sign reading "I had no choice". "Umm, I have to go, Mom. It's Ucchan." He held up a note attached to a pineapple. "I found this thrown through my window. The principal kidnapped her and unless I want her to go bald, I have to give him my ponytail. I think I'm gonna just rescue her and beat him up enough that he puts it off for another year again." "Ucchan?" wondered Nodoka. Akane snorted. Of course, Ranma's mother had never really met Ukyou. They'd barely even been in the same room together. Akane wondered if that magic talisman was still working. Nodoka meant well, but she'd caused a lot of worry for everyone in the household. Why, just because of her, Ranma had even been induced to embarrass Akane publically by cooking better than her. Everyone had had a good laugh about that later, but still. "Er", replied Ranma, "we knew each other ten years ago and we became friends again yesterday and the principal kidnapped her because he said I'd have to rescue my fiancee..." "Fiancee?" said Nodoka. The panda cowered. "Yeah, my old man engaged me to her ten years ago. It's nuthin', Mom. I mean, really." "_You_ and _me_ and this _Ucchan_ are going to have a talk together", said Nodoka. Ranma gulped. * * * * * "My prized pineapple plant!" yelled the principal. "" "If you don't give my fiancee back and exempt me and her from all hair codes forever, I'm gonna destroy it. And then get Ucchan back anyway." "Hey!" yelled Akane, running into the jungle-like room as the principal cowered and begin to untie Ukyou. "What about me?" "Oh, sorry", said Ranma. "He should exempt you too, Akane." "You just had 'Ucchan' on your mind lately, is that it?" "It's no big deal! I was thinking about her because I had to rescue her right now. I forgot you were here." "Forget this." said Akane, and malleted the pineapple plant, splashing Ranma with juice and leaf fragments. * * * * * "Ranma!" exclaimed Nodoka as Ranma rushed in hand in hand with Ukyou. "Why are you a girl now? And why do you smell like pineapple?" "Gotta change", he said, and left Ukyou to talk to Nodoka while he left for the bathroom. "Can you cook, Ukyou-san?" asked Nodoka. Of course, Ukyou could, but Akane noted with satisfaction that Ukyou was looking very nervous nevertheless. "Sure", replied Ukyou. "May I use your kitchen?" The panda put up a sign reading "No. Hungry Saotomes need the food." In a second, though, the sign was cut in half with a very sharp katana, and Nodoka pointed out to Ukyou various locations in the kitchen. Akane watched as inconspicuously as she could, and felt relieved when Ukyou confused the flour and the salt in her nervousness. Ranma seemed to have noticed the problem, but any attempt to intervene was met by a katana blade. "I'm testing her, not you. Men don't need to know how to cook", said Nodoka. When the concoction turned black on the griddle, Ukyou realized her mistake, but it was too late. "Now, to taste it", said Nodoka. Ukyou nodded, and Ranma suddenly "slipped" on a puddle of spilled water, landing his face right on Nodoka's plate. Akane giggled; Ranma did look funny with black mismade okonomiyaki hanging on his nose. "Now I have to get another one", said Nodoka. "You really should be more careful." The comedy of errors proceeded for several minutes as Ranma and Ukyou thought up more and more insane ways to keep the food away from Nodoka's mouth. They tripped several times. Once, Ranma and Ukyou jointly pushed the panda into the food, and another time they "accidentally" put the plate of bad okonomiyaki right down in an open flame. "Well", said Nodoka, "I hardly expected that there wouldn't be any food left to eat! But that's okay. We can do this some other day. Why don't you walk Ukyou home, Ranma, since it's dark out and not safe for a girl." At that, something started to bother Akane again. * * * * * "It's just you and me", said Ukyou. "Ran-chan..." "This feels so strange, Ucchan." "Strange?" "I dunno. Usually it's me and Akane, me and Akane, in these things. It's never really been you and me. We argue and we try to make up, or we do something together with a fight in it and we look at each other after it's all over and sometimes I say how pretty her dress is or we look at the stars." "If I had a dress on now would you say that?" "I guess." Ranma pointed upwards. "We have stars if you want to look at those, Ucchan. You know, until the last two days it was like I was being forced together with Akane." "By your dad? He's completely incompet-- oh, sorry, Ranma." "Sorry? For insulting Pop? Hah, you're right about him. I didn't mean that. I meant that it's like the gods did it. Put us together so many times doing so much stuff that we feel we should be together as, you know, just because we've been together doing everything else." "But something must have happened", said Ukyou. "Maybe the gods changed their minds. I hope you don't get kidnapped too much now, Ucchan. It must really suck. Oh, something else used to happen with Akane too." "Hmm?" "After we had a few quiet moments, it got interrupted most of the ti--" Akane stormed out of the bushes while picking up a park bench, and waved the ungainly object menacingly at the two. "Ran-chan, I think we'd better go", said Ukyou. "Yeah", said Ranma, picking his fiancee up in his arms and leaping away towards the Ucchan. Akane tossed the bench at them, then went home sulking more than she ever had before, knowing that this time she had lost Ranma for real.