From: Prime@ni.net (Jeffrey Smith)
Subject: How to see if you qualify to join the Cabal
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 1997 06:07:48 GMT

	From time immemoriable (or at least 1991), people have
wondered about the Cabal - that secret orginazation that runs the
internet and hopes someday to run the world[1]. Oh sure, SOME people
will tell you it is all a running joke among reputable news
administators, but the deep, dark secret is that in a base far below
the Rocky Mountains, wave upon wave of Black Helocopters are just
waiting for the signal to install the UN flag on the White House. 

	Since this event is inevitable, how can you get on the side of
the angels before Grubor and the Freedom Knights go to the wall? How
can you see if you should welcome the coming of the New World Order
with open arms, or fly to the Bahamas before it is too late?

	As a public service, the Cabal Disinformation Bureau has
released this form. Of course, there really ISN'T a Cabal, and this is
all a big joke. You shouldn't worry about the antenna vans parked
outside your house RIGHT NOW. Trust us. 

Question One: Cancels
	
	Under what circumstances would you cancel a usenet message?

1) I haven't got a clue how to cancel anything - can you do that on
this Internet thingy?
2) Only my own posts when I screw up big time and post a deep,
passionate letter to my significant other to soc.christianity.chastity
3) I utilize an authorized Cancelbot, and only remove posts that
violate the Breidbart Index
4) Canceling posts is censorship! I would NEVER cancel someone's post
- unless they make fun of me

Question Two: Pedophilia

	What is your reaction when a complete stranger accuses you of
being a pedophile?

1) A moment of confusion, then I blow the guy off
2) Break into a cold sweat, and take a big bar magnet to my hard drive
3) I log another of Grubor's aliases

Question Three: Email Spam

	What is your reaction when you recieve an Unsolicted
Commerical Email?

1) A blistering flame
2) I erase it
3) I analyze the headers of the message, and inform the administrators
of the ISP in question that they have an individual who is violating
the Terms of Service
4) Same as three, plus I add his name to The List of those who will go
up against the wall when the revolution comes
5) I analyze the headers of the message, and wonder if they'll host
Netscum for me

Question Four: Net Kooks

	Which of the following is your reaction to the term "Freedom
Knights"

1) Never heard of them - sounds like an offshoot of the KKK
2) The only thing keeping the Internet safe for people like me -
without them, I couldn't get away with a fraction of what I do
3) Gales of laughter

Question Five: Enlow

	What is your reaction after viewing the site at
www.sputum.com/enlow?

1) Confusion, then laughter
2) Impotent rage
3) Amused satisfaction

Question Six: The Cabal

	Does the Cabal exist?

1) Aaah! Stay away! 
2) Its a joke, right?
3) You'll just have to wait and find out

Scoring:

Question  Answer/Score

One	1/1, 2/4, 3/10, 4/-5
Two 	1/1, 2/-5, 3/5
Three	1/-2, 2/0, 3/3, 4/10, 5/-5
Four	1/1, 2/-5, 3/5
Five	1/2, 2/-5, 3/5
Six	1/-5, 2/0, 3/10

Scoring Less than 0: We're coming for you pinkboy
Scoring between 1 and 4: I'd recommend reading a FAQ or three before
posting again
Scoring between 5 and 44: You have nothing to fear - either it is a
big joke, or you have proven yourself Worthy to live on once the
invasion begins
Scoring 45: You will be contacted shortly. Don't fight the paralyzing
ray coming from the UFO

[1] I hearby invoke Usenet Rule #0

****   ****    ****    ****

Fight the Woodside Literary Agency:Http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/6172/helpjane.htm
SubGenius Police, Usenet Tactical Unit (Mobile), aka S.P.U.T.U.M.
Unit CLXXXVII: "Primum Nocere"
Parahuman Ragnarok Initiators, METAsysop Element
http://www.sputum.com/