This is what happens when you run Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody through the Valspeak and SPAMspeak filters.

Like, Bohemian Rhapsody

Processed by spam@access.digex.net

Is this thuh real life --
Is this just fantasy --
Caught inside a landslide --
No escape from reality --
Open your eyes
Look up to thuh skies and observe --
I'm just one poor boy, fer shure, I require negative sympathy --
Because I'm quite simple come, like, quite simple go,
A small high, oh, baby, small low,
Anyway thuh wind blows, gentleman, doesn't totally matter to me,
-- to me --,

Mama, oh, baby, just killed one man,
Put one gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, like, wow, now he's deceased,
Mama, fer shure, life had just begun,
Man, now I've gone and thrown it all away --
Mama, like, wow, ooo,
Didn't mean to produce you cry --
If I'm not rear again this time tomorrow --
Carry on, mostly, carry on, like, as if nothin' totally matters --

Too late, mostly, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine --
Body's achin' all thuh time,
Goodbye all humans -- I've got to go --
Gotta blow you all behind and face thuh truth --
Mama, gentleman, ooo --
I don't desire to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born toward all --

I observe one little silhouetto of one man,
Scaramouch, mostly, scaramouch will you do thuh Fandango --
Thunderbolt and lightnin' -- super super frightenin' me --
Gallileo, like, Gallileo,
Gallileo, oh, baby, Gallileo
Gallileo figaro -- Magnifico --
Man, I'm just one poor boy and nobody wuvs me --
He's just one poor boy from one poor family --
Spare that dude his life from this monstrosity --
Easy come quite simple go --, like, will you let me go --
Bismillah! It's a piece of shit! Gag me with one SPOOOOON! It's a VERY nice machine! No--, like, wow, we will not let you go -- let that dude go --
Bismillah! It's a VERY nice machine! Gag me with one SPOOOOON! It's definite! Us sex fiends will not let you go -- let that dude go
Bismillah! It's a piece of shit! Gag me with one pitchfork! It's a VERY nice machine! Us sex fiends will not let you go -- let that dude go
Will not let you go -- let me go
Will not let you go -- let me go
Like, no chance in hell, no, oh, baby, no, like, wow, no, fer shure, no, gentleman, no, mostly, negative --
Mama mia, like, mama mia, oh, baby, mama mia let me go --
Beelzebub has one devil put aside for me, like, wow, for me --
for me --

So you compute you can stone me and spit inside my eye --
So you compute you can wuv me and blow me to die --
Oh Baby -- Can't do this to me baby --
Just gotta get out -- just gotta get right outta here --

Nothin' totally matters,
Anyone can observe,
Nothin' totally matters --, fer shure, nothin' totally matters to me,

Anyway thuh wind blows...


Copyright 1996, Lynn Gold.
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